Christmas Trees – They Suck

I remember the first Christmas tree I helped bring home. We went to the local A&P store parking lot and walked up and down the rows of trees looking for something. We had bay windows in the living room and the tree had to be just right.

Dad found the tree he wanted and we put it in the trunk of a ’57 Chevrolet – it was a four door. I remember he tied the trunk lid down with some twine the guy at the tree lot gave him.

When we got home he stood in the yard and shook it up and down and slammed the trunk into the ground several times trying to dislodge loose needles.

Then the tree stood on the porch until the next evening. I think we wanted the branches to fall? I do not remember for sure.

The next evening Dad sawed the end of the trunk off and I got to crawl around under the tree in all the needles screwing the tree stand on. I remember it took us several tries to get it straight and not have it fall over as soon as he let go.

Then we put it in the bay windows and the whole family decorated it.

The lights were as big as fifteen watt bulbs of today with heavy cord twisted between them. They were very heavy. If a bulb burned out it did not matter. The others still worked. After the lights we started on the ornaments. I think we all had our favorites.

There is one thing that to this day still irritates me. Why do people remove the hooks from the ornaments? Why can’t the hooks just be left attached? I never understood that.

Then the icicles – I hated those things. I could never pull just one from the pack.

For the next two or three weeks I was responsible for watering the tree.

My least favorite thing was taking the tree out. Actually it was picking up the needles by hand to prevent the vacuum from getting screwed up.

In 1972 I left home – I did not have another tree until 1975 when I was married. In 1981 I was divorced and did not have a tree until 1995 or 1996 when my daughter insisted.

I have not had a tree in the last four years. The artificial tree I bought in 1999 left when I was divorced.

Each time I think about getting one I remember being on my hands and knees picking up all those damn needles. It is just not appealing.

That’s why I think Christmas Trees suck.