Bah Humbug!

Christmas this year was almost non-existent. I was sick for much of the four weeks before and even though I thought I was excited it never really happened.

I did get to see my son’s kids a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving for a while – his ex-wife is a real pain. It had been several months.

Christmas Eve and Day was the same as always. Since 1980 I have spent Christmas Day alone except for a four or five year period during my second marriage.

For several years I spent the day rebuilding my main server. A yearly project that started Christmas Eve at noon and continued until two days after Christmas. It kept me busy and I didn’t miss Christmas.

I usually spent Christmas Eve at my father’s with my kids and whatever relatives came home.

For the last four or five years that tradition stopped because my father was getting too old to entertain a house full of people.

So for the last four or five years I celebrated Christmas Eve and Day alone. I was fine with it. My kid’s in-laws always had dinners and their mother had Christmas dinner.

I always make a ham and a cheesecake. For some reason this year I forgot to buy a ham but didn’t think of it until a couple of says before. Since I can’t drive and my kids live out of town I blew it off.

I made chicken instead and really liked it. I made the cheesecake Christmas Day afternoon. That night I never got hungry for it – a first for me.

The next day I remembered I had not done any of my traditions. ‘Christmas Vacation’ movie in the afternoon and ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ at night. I usually threw ‘Star Wars’ in there just for good measure.

I spent the day surfing the net. It seemed like it was in the Bah Humbug mood too.

The next day my eyes were acting up and I couldn’t do much of anything but listen to the radio. I did finally eat half the cheesecake.

Yesterday my kids and grandkids visited my father. He is not long for the world and his mind is starting to go. We kept the visit short since he tires so easily.

And today the Bah Humbug feeling is just as strong.

So if I seemed distracted this year, just attribute it to growing old and wishing things did not have to change.

As least I am not in a nursing home.

Christmas Trees – They Suck

I remember the first Christmas tree I helped bring home. We went to the local A&P store parking lot and walked up and down the rows of trees looking for something. We had bay windows in the living room and the tree had to be just right.

Dad found the tree he wanted and we put it in the trunk of a ’57 Chevrolet – it was a four door. I remember he tied the trunk lid down with some twine the guy at the tree lot gave him.

When we got home he stood in the yard and shook it up and down and slammed the trunk into the ground several times trying to dislodge loose needles.

Then the tree stood on the porch until the next evening. I think we wanted the branches to fall? I do not remember for sure.

The next evening Dad sawed the end of the trunk off and I got to crawl around under the tree in all the needles screwing the tree stand on. I remember it took us several tries to get it straight and not have it fall over as soon as he let go.

Then we put it in the bay windows and the whole family decorated it.

The lights were as big as fifteen watt bulbs of today with heavy cord twisted between them. They were very heavy. If a bulb burned out it did not matter. The others still worked. After the lights we started on the ornaments. I think we all had our favorites.

There is one thing that to this day still irritates me. Why do people remove the hooks from the ornaments? Why can’t the hooks just be left attached? I never understood that.

Then the icicles – I hated those things. I could never pull just one from the pack.

For the next two or three weeks I was responsible for watering the tree.

My least favorite thing was taking the tree out. Actually it was picking up the needles by hand to prevent the vacuum from getting screwed up.

In 1972 I left home – I did not have another tree until 1975 when I was married. In 1981 I was divorced and did not have a tree until 1995 or 1996 when my daughter insisted.

I have not had a tree in the last four years. The artificial tree I bought in 1999 left when I was divorced.

Each time I think about getting one I remember being on my hands and knees picking up all those damn needles. It is just not appealing.

That’s why I think Christmas Trees suck.

I Know, I Know

I know, I know - I have been lax - but actually I have been sick, very sick and I would guess too blind to work for 75% of the time lately.

I have quit taking all my medicine and in a few weeks I will go to the doctor and have them tell me what I need. I feel so much better and my vision seems to be improving daily although I do not think it will ever get to the point I can read normal sized text without surgery.

I have several posts in mind and hope to start some soon.

The JFK Assassination

I was 11 in 1963 and had just finished crosswalk duty at Washington Grade School.

It was a cold rainy day and I could not wait to get home and sit in front of the register to warm up.

A lady that lived near the crosswalk told me I should hurry home, the President had been shot.

She had teased me on other occasions but I could not understand why she would tease about this.

I ran home and know I talked to Mom but I do not remember the conversation.

I do remember many hours in front of the TV watching the news and the funeral. I think we got 2 or 3 days off from school.

I remember the horse without the rider and the backwards boots. The cadence which I was forever reminded of whenever a marching band kept the beat for marching betweens songs.

The horse drawn hearse and the salute from his son. Jackie O veiled in black holding her children’s hands.

I remember watching a guy get shot on live TV. Ruby shooting Oswald I think.

I remember during the first few hours thinking it had to be a joke or a weird movie but the longer it went on, the more real it got and the sadder it got.

I know we spent a lot of time at school discussing everything – I guess they would call it grief counseling – we talked about it for a long time and nothing was off limits.

I do not remember the conspiracy talk until much later.

I remember watching the moon landing and I remembered JFK’s speech about reaching the moon by the end of the decade I think were his words.

I think that speech was the first presidential speech I had ever heard. I still remember the chills up and down my spine at some of his words.

I sometimes wonder what the world would have been like had whoever missed 45 years ago.

Would Vietnam have turned out different? Would we have landed on the moon? Would the supposed perpetrators have been caught and the conspiracy exposed?

Who would have been the next president if JFK had lived? What other goals were being considered by JFK beside the moon trip?

I remember when one of the reports came out, maybe the Warren report, that there was no way a group would conspire to kill a president – the position was too protected.

I was young and naïve. And was just starting to learn American History beyond the civil war.

Now after living through Vietnam, Watergate, Reagan, Clinton, 9-11, the space shuttle and station – the Internet and social networks, I find that nothing surprises me and that the people of the world are capable of anything. Anything.

I wonder if the world made a big wrong turn the day JFK died or did it make any difference at all.

I doubt I will ever know.

Stupid Neighbors

I stayed in bed for almost 24 hours yesterday to today except for bathroom and drink breaks. I also got up for a 2 hour email, twitter, and news check.

I fell so much better but I am still planning on living in bed today. I remembered why I was having so much trouble sleeping.

The downstairs neighbors have evidently installed a ceiling fan in the bedroom under mine. But the ceiling fan sounds like a dryer or an out of balance washing machine just starting to spin.

The nose is very irritating and is not cyclic – it does not repeat itself. It is different every revolution. I can not get use to it and filter it out.

If I have gone to sleep with it off, as soon as they turn it on it wakes me up.

If it is on, I cannot get to sleep, I try sleep on the couch but I am too use to my mattress.

I tried a fan to drown it out. I attempted playing a radio with different genres of music with no luck.

I put in ear plugs but the noisy intruder is anchored (maybe not correctly) right under my bed and the noise and vibration comes right through my bedding.

I cannot understand why the idiots do not hear it but they are of the mindset that just having a ceiling fan is a luxury never mind it makes lots of noise. They are clueless.

Or else they are doing it on purpose.

Whatever the circumstance, I complained to the landlord and while I have not got a response, he sometimes acts and waits for a few days to make sure the problem is solved before following up.

For the last 24 hours I have not heard the fan. Hopefully it is because they were told to shut it off or maybe it broke.

As long as I can get some sleep I do not care why.

Evidently that noisy fan was causing a much bigger problem the I thought.

Many times I just put up with stuff – this time I am glad I have opened my mouth.

Lingering Sickness

I can not seem to get rid of this virus. Inconsistent coughing, short lasting fevers with chills and sweats, stomach problems every other day. Tired all the time. Joints hurt groaning and creaking when I move them.

It really sucks. I can only make it an hour in front of the computer before my head screams for a pillow or couch arm.

Recliner is unusable – laying on my back causes my lungs to fill with crap making breathing so difficult and raises my blood pressure to stroke level.

I’ll be back as soon as I recover – if I ever do.

I wonder if this is what the process of dying is like. If it is, I wish it would hurry up.

Moving Slowly

I have been completely run down the last few days, maybe the last two weeks. I get up at 3 or 4 am and make it until 9 or 10 am then I am done.

I can barely make it to bed. If I have not eaten, too bad – I go to bed hungry. I’ll sleep two or three hours, not very good sleep but it is sleep and then I get to pee, get a drink and back to bed where I might toss and turn for fifteen minutes then back to a restless sleep.

Most days I forced myself up at 3 pm, took a shower and watched stupid TV or surfed the computer. The last two or three days I just let myself sleep and it has been 630 or 7 pm before I get my ass up.

Then I am starved so I eat whatever is easy and take a shower sometime before 10 or 11. I watched whatever crap I recorded that night and am back in bed around midnight or 1 am.

And the cycle starts all over. I just feel like crap – so whatever it is I hope it stops soon. This is boring as hell.

By the way, has anyone called him President “O’ yet – like ‘O’ for Oprah.

No malice intended – just thought it was an odd thought.

History was made – many blacks are still stunned about what happened.

In my opinion the everyday person finally decided to let their voice be heard. The egotistical, greedy, power hungry idiot politicians have screwed the normal person’s everyday life up.

It was time to start fixing things and they did.

Only time will tell if President ‘O’ can pull everything together and keep the idiots in check.

Nightmares

I have had the same nightmare for three nites running. I am driving down a road in the city and stop for a stop light in the turn lane. A man is walking across the street, looks at me then lunges through the passenger window asking for a cigarette.

I tell him no.

He lunges grabbing me around the neck and I return the gesture but I also step on the gas and start pounding his face with my other fist while driving with my knee.

A cop gets behind us with lights and sirens but the guy won't let go. So I squeeze his throat harder and poke at his eyes. He screams when I hit my target and lets go of me. But I hang on because do not want to let him get away.

I slam on the brakes and the cop pulls up on the passenger side and grabs the guy - he tells me to let go but I can't - my hand is frozen. The cop pulls harder and I know it appears to him I am trying to kill the guy. He tells me to let go or he will shoot. I yell NO, don't shoot but then the guy does.

I still have him by the throat but I look down and see a red stain spreading across my chest. I look up and I see an old friend turning blue then I hear another shot and he goes limp and I wake up in a cold sweat.

It seems so real.

Weather Memories

Looking out the frosted bathroom window I saw some flakes of something illuminated by my nightlight (the street light).

I assume it was snow flakes. I contemplated the wisp of flakes a bit and looked through my memories as has become my habit too many times during a normal day.

The first snow I remember is a record breaking storm in the sixties – can’t say early or late and am not inclined to look it up.

I just remember I was young but not too young to shovel snow.

The only problem was there was so much of it and I was not able to lift a shovel full if I let the shovel scrape the concrete. I had to insert the shovel about half-way down and take very small scoops.

No vehicles were able to navigate our street. I remember being out of school for a week and the school was less then a block away. I do not remember anything getting up or down our street until the end-loaders loaded the store into dump trucks.

I tried to walk to the park beside the school but was worn out fighting the wet snow after a half block.

I remember Dad walking to work – he was like that. I also seem to remember he refused or did not like to wear a hat. Might be false memory and not important. He would always bring home a few groceries each night even though the store had to be a few blocks out of his way.

I don’t remember another storm that bad until the last few years.

My next weather related memory was a tornado warning on the same street.

The air raid sirens were sounding and the rest of the family was in the basement. For whatever reason, Dad and I were on the front porch and saw a funnel cloud drop from the clouds several miles away.

It was a small funnel and slipped back up into the clouds in a few seconds but I always remember it whenever I hear the tornado warnings.

Next was the ice storm of 1977 or 1978. I had just starting working for the police department. We were on full alert in the garage but kept losing electricity. The department’s emergency generator would not start automatically so someone had to baby sit it 24-hours a say.

I remember dropping my wife and kids at her mother’s – it was warmer or they still had power – I don’t remember why.

But I do remember that on the drive back to the police station I drove down a tree lined street and it sounded like hail was destroying the car – failing ice. At one stop sign I had just pulled away and a branch the size of a bus fell blocking the street where I had just been.

Thirty seconds earlier and it would have landed on the car. I spent the few hours I was off at home – it was so cold – the furnace was kicking on but would shut off when the fan failed to start.

I was so cold that one night I slept in the car I was driving with the motor running waking up ever hour or so to go back in and run the water to prevent the pipes from freezing. Luckily we had a gas water heater that provided plenty of hot water but toweling dry sucked. Going out with wet hair was worse.

Two more memories – I was in Joliet repairing a computer and a tornado warning was issued but I did not hear it. I was deep inside a building that stopped the noise from the sirens.

When I went out to get a part from the truck, the sky was a deep dark green – very scary sky swirling in a circle – it was dead quiet except for the sound of the sirens.

I learned later the sky I saw was a debris cloud. Two or three blocks away the tornado had removed the roofs from five buildings but no remains were ever found. I think I saw them that night a few hundred feet above my head.

And the last was recent. The night two tornados touched down in town – one very close to Dad’s – he heard it while in the basement. At the same time he was in the basement, my son and I stood on my back porch and watched the clouds spin.

When the golf ball sized hail started pounding the roof and siding we both headed for the basement two stories below.

There used to be a real life old air raid siren in the back yard. It was replaced when the city upgraded the system after these tornados.

That night it was blaring but we could still hear the hail pound the house. I stole a look out a basement window. I could not see the neighboring house less then twenty feet away. Shortly after that the entire city lost power. The siren in the back yard was silenced.

The rain and hail were hellish but it did not end there.

A second wave of storms came through about 2 AM the next morning. My son and his family had gone to sleep downstairs. I laid down with a battery powered weather radio beside me.

It went off with the new tornado warning. I stumbled downstairs to wake them. It took several yells to get them awake and I went to my granddaughter’s room and had to shake her several times to get her moving.

We all stumbled downstairs and listened to the regular radio about people being trapped in a movie theater because of downed power lines or poles in all directions.

They were eating cold popcorn and drinking bottled water and were moving around using the lights from their cell phones.

Then the storm hit just as ferocious as the first. Since the power was off, the radio host suggested people go out and honk their car horns or call the neighbors and wake them.

During the worse part of the storm the power came back on. My grandkids were wide eyed and hanging on dad and mom tightly.

Then silence for about 30 seconds – we could hear my TV two stories above. The storm had passed but then we all got a scare. The air raid siren started back up and sounded for at least another twenty minutes.

We didn’t care – the weather radio gave the all clear and we all went to bed even though the siren was sounding.

I was still listening to the normal radio when the host said another wave was a few hours out. I was so tired but didn’t want to fall into a deep sleep in case the electricity went out.

I got up and watched the weather and listened to all the radio callers describe the damage and their experiences.

At 8 AM the last wave of weather came through – very mild thunderstorms. I finally went to bed when the cable TV went off air.

It had survived two tornados and hundreds of lightening strikes but it could not escape a utility worker cutting down broken poles and gathering the wires up.

The main feed was cut and took several hours to find and repair.

In fifty-six years that is the weather events I remember.

The Night Light

I can tell winter is almost here OR that a tree lost a branch. During the time trees have leafs my bathroom is very dark at night.

Unless the moon is out and in the west it is best if I turn on the light to help me ‘aim’ unless I sit to pee.

Once the leafs start to fall, there is a street light that shines right into my bathroom providing plenty of light for almost any activity.

I call it my night light and today, after the high winds, my night light is back.

One of life’s simple pleasures.

What Time Is It?

I now spend most of my time not knowing what time it is. I can ‘see’ the clock as an object but not enough details to read the time. It had become more common in the last few weeks and is just one of those things I am adjusting to.

I use to have a clock on the computer that would ‘tell’ me the time every half hour but I lost it and can’t find it (help - I’ve fallen and can’t get up). It’s one of those things I keep forgetting to mention when a person with sight visits.

I know if it is dark or light but I have no idea how much time is left of either unless I notice daylight come or go.

At night it could be 8:30 pm or 4:30 am – I have no idea.

I have been using the sun during daylight hours (if it is out) to ‘guess’ at the time and have been very successful.

Lately I turn on the radio hoping to hear the time but many times it becomes background noise and I never hear the time.

I do know when some talk show hosts are on so I know the time within three hours but that is not always fool proof since some of the hosts repeat their ‘best of’ at different times.

So far it has not been a real problem. I watch almost no TV –why watch when I can’t see it. Listening to TV is not like listening to radio – too much info missing.

For weeks my cell phone had been beeping at the same time everyday. I some how set a daily alarm I could not kill and have no idea how I set it.

This evening my daughter took me to visit my father. Her son was dressed for Halloween and she wanted to show him off. Such a cute kid – I wish I could see him.

My phone alarm went off and I asked her to ‘fix’ it. It was set for 5:32 pm daily.

So for several weeks I knew when the alarm went off it was the same time as it was yesterday and the day before that. I just didn’t know what time it was.

Think about that for a minute. You knew when a certain moment in history occurred every day but did not know (until now) what time that moment in history was.

So how do I tell time? I don’t – I guess and most times don’t care. I go to sleep when I am tired. Sometimes I wake up having no idea how long I have slept – if I feel OK I just get up – if I am still tired then I go back to sleep.

Tonight I know it was about 11:30 pm when I went to sleep. I heard it on the radio. I woke and felt pretty good so I got up to proofread another story I had written.

By now you know I don’t read a damn thing – I listen to my computer read it to me. Twice I heard the radio tell me what time it was at the same time the computer ‘spoke’ and talked over it.

I just found out it was 1245 am. That means I might have slept a half hour or less.

I think I’ll go back to bed and hope I have not screwed up this post too bad.

Food Cravings and That Full Feeling

I recently decided to limit my food intake – remember I could never get full but quitting my medicine seemed to help?

Well it appears it was insulin related. Once I shoot up I never feel full when I eat. If I skip my insulin for a few days my full feelings return.

The last few days I have noticed something else. You know I love tea – plain ole black tea but with honey and whiskey (not often enough) or at minimum some sugar or fake sugar. Can’t stand it plain.

Well I usually use fake sugar – blue package – can’t remember name – anyway as long as I use the fake stuff I never get hungry in the morning. As a matter of fact, if I just drink tea with an occasional water chaser, I can go from 4 am to noon and never feel hungry. Can’t go much longer because my blood sugar falls too low.

The last couple of mornings I did a test. I used real sugar instead of the fake stuff after a few cups. Within twenty minutes I was starving.

Of course once I eat and never feel full I continue to eat and then my blood sugar skyrockets and here we go again.

I think I am going to have to add quick acting insulin and shoot up every time I eat to keep things under control. Nothing else seems to work except not eating at all and then my blood sugar plummets within eight hours.

There’s gotta be a better way.

Another Friend Update 3

Tuesday early morning I had given six burials for my enemies so far.

Tuesday and Wednesday were uneventful. Recon showed no activity. It looked like I could claim victory.

Then late Thursday afternoon I noticed one of my mines were missing – last night another was gone. I’m thinking maybe I better get some help and figure out where they are making entry to my second floor apartment.

I tried to charm the local cat with some tuna salad but he ignored me. He used to come to my front window and meow until I let him in.

My window opens right to the roof of the front porch. He came in, checked all the rooms and corners and under whatever he could find.

Then he’d take a nap on the couch until I woke him. He always showed his displeasure by meowing loudly until I let him out.

I’ve seen him play with mice – sometimes for a long time – and I’ve heard when he tires of playing with them he deposits them in his food dish as if to tell his owner his culinary desires.

So I have more mice – back in the battle again.

Got To Be Live To Do Some Things

I'll bet many are wondering what the hell this will be about.

It is very simple - sometimes if I am not feeling well or on a weird sleeping schedule I record the local radio station on the computer or my TiVo (yes I can, KnowItAll).

It might be three hours or 24 hours before I listen to the recording. It is talk radio and it is not unusual for even the radio stations to time shift a show - like Komando or Brinker's Money Talks.

But I have a little problem - I disagree with many of the things these people say. When it is live I wait to make sure I understood what they said IF they repeat it or by the rest of the conversations/discussion - when it is Memorex (you have to be older to understand that - Google) I can rewind to make sure I heard correctly.

As it turns out, I pay more attention to the recording because I can rewind and fast forward through the commercials and news (and stuff that sucks). Plus a three hour show becomes ninety minutes - more time to 'think'.

If I get distracted while listening to a recording I can always rewind - if I am listening live I can't go back - so far I have not be able to find a DVR for radio so I dismiss some issues immediately.

With a recording I can understand what they say better - I can pause the recording while I contemplate - I can form a solid opinion - but since the show is not live I can't respond.

So far I have tried to call twice to bitch/moan/groan/agree hours after the show is over. I have caught myself both times before someone on the other end answered. The show is a small market so the hosts answer their own phones. I wonder if I have hung up on whoever was live at the time. Sorry radio hosts.

I have never called the show live because it takes me a while to form an opinion (I know many of you are laughing - it seems I always answer immediately - well I am a heavy thinker).

So that is the reason for the "Got To Be Live To Do Some Things" title and tag.

Like responding/calling in to 'LIVE' Talk Radio.

Senior Moment Number 13,243

I have published this at Pops the Ole Man of the Net's Content Producer Page - Associated Content. Once I am paid or it starts collecting views I may copy it back to the blog.

Another Friend Update 2

About three this afternoon I woke from a nap. I decided to get up and start supper.

Both traps had been sprung again - I was getting good at reloading my weapons and getting them positioned just right. It was not going to take me long at this rate.

But it made me think - what if this was a family of mice. A mother, father, son and daughter just trying to get by? They might have been traveling to a new home and were just visiting long enough to get nourishment and some rest before continuing their trip.

Maybe this was their final location - some welcome I gave them. As the day wore on and my popcorn mines stayed in place and the camouflage kept my weapons hidden and the did not fire I wonderded if I might have guessed right.

I thought about what would have happen if someone had declared war on my family when we were so young. My brain was going places I would not have given a second thought if I had only caught one or two mice.

Then I heard a snap and I notched my sixth victory. Screw it I said out loud - you invaded my lands without permission - tough. I reloaded my weapon, relaid some mines and took another nap - war is very tiring.

It it now five am on Tuesday morning. Been watching TV and playing with blog setups and the computer in general. The Sitrep on the war has not changed. I just did Recon and none of the mines have been disturbed. Over twelve hours of no activity from the enemy. Maybe they retreated or maybe they are waiting for reinforcements.

I noticed the neighors outside cat sitting on my back porch - maybe he has been on patrol too. Maybe the mice are waiting for the next season - the yearly war - but maybe it is still too warm.

I'll keep my mines in place and we'll see what happens.

I'll live this report open for another day or so before declaring complete victory.

Another Friend Update

Monday Morning

I was almost asleep last night when something popped. My eyes snapped open but I did not hear anything else. Being in that place where you are more asleep then awake, I went back to sleep.

About three I got up to pee but was still not in the awake state and went back to sleep.

At four a loud car woke me – same loud car every weekday morning since last winter - one of these days I’m going to be standing in the rode with a hammer to ask him where the heck he goes so early.

I was almost back to sleep when SNAP! - my eyes were forced open. This time I knew what I had heard.

I got my flashlight to do Recon. Both of my traps were sprung – I was right – there was more then one – maybe a whole platoon.

I reset my traps after giving the soldiers an honorable burial, and grabbed a heel from the loaf of bread to camouflage my traps and entice any other enemy soldiers.

After checking my work and feeling good about my victory I went back to bed but no joy – my stomach was grumbling and I was ready to start my day.

While I heated my water for tea I noticed the camouflage for the old wooden trap had disappeared. I could not believe it – they must have a battalion trying to plunder my treasures.

I have plenty of ammo and plan on keeping a sharp watch until I get them all the darn bastards. So far it is me three, the enemy zero.

Another Friend

I last wrote about my conversationalist coming to a dreadful end ( Thursday Oct 16, 08).

Well evidently it had a friend or friends. Out of habit I dropped some popcorn beside the stove and less then an hour later a piece was missing.

I blamed my memory and figured I had miscounted so I counted again and wrote the number on a scratch pad.

Look what I have reduced myself to – counting popped kernels of corn.

A half hour later another piece was missing and I cursed the mice gods. I had already reset the trap and it was in the path to the popcorn.

I got my video camera out and re-checked my work – trap was armed – until I set it down too hard.

Why do you still jump when you are the one making the loud noise?

I put the trap back in place and waited for the sound of victory.

I had decided to declare war. I promptly forgot about my declaration and spent a few hours watching the stupid box.

About midnight I was hungry – the sight of the stove in the darken room reminded me I was at war – I snuck back out of the kitchen without turning on the light and retrieved a flashlight from the bedroom.

I just wanted a glimpse of my enemy. They always say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I’m all for it - except when the enemy is bigger then me.

There was no one there – my black weapon with its chrome trigger (the spring loaded bar) was undisturbed. But the other pieces of popcorn were gone.

The other side must be resting so I decided to do the same and went to bed.

Friday morning I decided to Recon the area but nothing had changed.

For breakfast I cooked some pancakes and tore off a corner and put in on top of the trap – maybe it would disguise my weapon.

I finished breakfast, cooked some lunch and each check showed the Sitrep unchanged.

At supper, the camo was gone. Man, the enemies I was facing were good.

Before retreating to no-man’s-land I reloaded my weapon with fresh ammo just to be on the safe side and camouflaged my weapon again. As I was getting ready I thought to myself that I hope my bedroom was really no-man’s-land. My enemy might be sitting on the night stand watching me sleep.

Saturday I forgot to check – I did not sleep well – I kept dreaming about this mouse stroking his gun repeating the saying “Here Kitty-Kitty, Here Kitty-Kitty.” I kept licking my head and rubbed my face to get the hair off.

Today, Sunday, I noticed that the camouflage was gone but my weapon was still locked and loaded. Darn these guys were good.

I watched the NASCAR race and made some popcorn – I scattered a few pieces along the path to my trap, sort of like mines. Five mines to be exact and one of those was a double – two pieces stuck together.

About fifteen minutes later I realized I had forgotten my drink and returned to the kitchen.

My enemy is so quick – all my mines were gone - there must be hundreds of them. Those four pieces and one extra large piece would feed a family of twenty if they were the size of mice.

I dug around in my warehouse of old antique weapons and found an old wooden trap. I armed it but realized I forgot to put in the ammo after I had pushed it behind the stove.

I dropped some sugar on it – no way I was going to try and move a wide-open trap like that. I also put some more mines out as a test.

That was about an hour ago on Sunday night. I am getting ready for bed. I can barely keep my eyes open – not good for a lookout.

I’ll give updates as warranted on the Sitrep – I plan on creating a battle plan while sleeping. My first thought of burning them out didn’t ring very practical.

My New Best Friend - Final Chapter?

I am sorry (or am I happy) to bring you the latest report on my new friend.

I have been patiently waiting for the 'snap' that says our friendship is over.

How many times have you wished it was that easy to end it with some of your friends?

So I went to sleep at 4 am expecting to have the final rites when I woke.

Somehow the little creature has avoided his destiny. I can hear all you mice lovers cheering. One explanation, he sleep the same time as me. Another, he was on a trip to another hot spot. Or maybe he got caught with his tail out at a different dive.

Whatever (I am refraining from using curses) the little creature has not made an appearance since about 4 am. I left him a snack of graham cracker right in front of the trap. Very seldom takes longer then a half hour for it to disappear but ten hours later it is still there.

I just heard a noise - can it be? Wait..........



I am sorry to report that 'it' ate its last meal just a few minutes ago.

Goodbye dear friend, you will NOT be missed.

And yes this is true - no literary license taken here my friends.

My New Best Friend Part Two

I have just declared war. My new best friend will not be here much longer – I was at my computer desk and it decided to join me by climbing up a cable to the top of my desk. I slapped the top and it was gone.

I also discovered it earlier in the day on top of the microwave. I had a few cans of stuff up there so I moved them and cleaned the top with kitchen cleaner two or three times.

I just heated some tea and noticed something on top of the microwave. It left two little calling cards.

I setup my video camera to help me see and I think I figured out why the trap was not working. Even though it sounded like it was engaging it was not.

So I know it is lethal now and I am just waiting for final rites after I hear the ‘SNAP’.

My New Best Friend

Most weeks I talk to no one but myself and the Radio/TV. I very seldom go outside. I check mail usually on Wed, the day I take my garbage to the curb.

My daughter and her family take me to the store every two weeks usually on Friday.

The last three or four days though I have a new best friend. They tell you to keep your friends close and enemies closer? Well this little (pick your own expletive) is my BEST friend.

I have is little tiny mouse. I have been trying to catch it for three or four days. Evidently it does not like peanut butter or I am not getting the trap set right.

I think I shared that I drop small bits of popcorn, bread, crackers and etc to see if I have a roommate.

All I am doing is feeding it but last night I caught myself talking to it – telling it what my next move would be. Then I saw the little creep sneak (running like hell) across the living room to the back of the entertainment center.

I talked more yesterday than I have in weeks – too bad it does not talk back.

Lexia Font

Tonight I found a font that is very easy to read and is free. It is called Lexia. So if you see it, know it was designed for the vision impaired and is free on the net. I think it is great.

Late Night Writer

I spent all day thinking I ought to write a couple of stories or memories but nothing came to mind. About two hours ago, just as I was ready to go to bed - my creative side took over and I have been writing ever since.

How much more I could have got done if I could have just turned the switch on.

Only Book You Need

Just heard something I really like. Someone was asked what one book he would take with him for eternity.

He would take the dictionary – it has all the other books in it.

Shingles Suck

I am up so late (or early) because my shingles are really busy tonight. I can not get comfortable so no sleep. IB not helping.

All five locations have erupted. I was really sick last week for almost a week – sickness means immune system goes down and shingles pop up.

Two spots on my left back – spot right above my crack and the WORST spot in my crack very close to you know what. And my left eye – it hurts the worst.

I have intense pain, intense itch and leaking blisters between my cheeks. They drive me crazy.

I HATE shingles and there is nothing to be done. Meds don’t work when the outbreak is in the different stages, pain, itch, leaking blisters and slow healing

This is worse then rotator cuff surgery, open heart surgery or getting kicked in the balls and maybe even a broken heart.

Of Mice and Man

I live in an older house on the upper floor and when the weather turns the mice come in to play. I never see flies or any other pests except for those few orange beetles that like my bathroom window.

Anyway, I never hear the mouse, I never see any ‘tracks’ he/she visited. I have two ways to track the mice – one I keep a trap set and replace the dried out peanut butter every two weeks.

OR since I love popcorn and use crackers and eat graham crackers and bread on a regular basis I have gotten in the habit of leaving a few pieces in between the stove and kitchen sink (a good four inch gap). Popcorn is easy for me to see.

If I put it out and it disappears in the next 24 hours I know I have a problem so I set the trap.

If it stays I know I do not have visitors. The fastest I have seen it disappear is about five minutes. I took my bowl of popcorn to my computer desk and forgot a napkin (paper towel). The popcorn on the floor was gone.

The trap snapped less then twenty minutes later.

So if you see popcorn or other small pieces of dry food on my kitchen floor – that is my early detection system – not lazy housekeeping (check behind the couch for that).

Oh Of Mice and Men

The Great Debate of 2008 #2

What a waste of time – I did not watch it live nor even listen to it. I just watched the highlights.

To me, ‘That One’ won again. It seems that McCain is right on the edge of losing his temper – I have not heard anyone else say it so I am probably imagining things.

You have probably noticed I did not comment on the vice presidental debate – it was not funny nor informative – why waste time on it?

My Best Bicycle

The memory I have is probably from fifth or sixth grade to high school.

I had a Schwinn bike that had what looked like a gas tank where a motorcycle normally has one.

I remember it was red with white trim. Big fenders that curved or flared at the ends; lots of chrome; the chain guard was chromed.

It had a spring loaded book rack over the back fender. Lift one part, slide the books in and a spring held them in place.

The seat was giant and was really comfy for long rides. It sat on two chrome springs that looked like pine cones. For some reason I remember a chrome trim piece along the bottom of the seat.

The tires were white walled – very wide and had special inner tubes designed to prevent leaks. I think I only fixed one flat in all the years I rode it. I was so proud of the size – 26 inch I think – a grownups bike.

I remember ‘borrowing’ the chrome caps off the valve stems at a local car lot because they looked so cool on my bike.

I also remember buying some streamers to put in the end of the handle grips. For some reason I remember white handle grips with sparkles in them. They had cushy pads on top for comfort. The streamers were red and did not last very long.

I could jump that bike up on the highest curbs and do a sliding stop (ride fast, put my left leg near the ground then jam on the brake with my right foot and ‘lean’ towards the ground.

The back tire would leave a black mark and if done correctly my left knee would almost touch the ground as I was sliding but I would end up sitting on the bike upright at a full stop and a full 180 degree opposite of my approach direction.

I was good at them. But my favorite trick was a daredevil stunt that I practiced and practiced and practiced. I never once crashed.

Our street was sort of a dead end. To the east it ended in a T at the park. It continued on the other side of the park, four or five blocks away. From this T to the west our street ran downhill – not very steep but enough you could build up some speed coasting.

The ‘north-south’ T street actually ran down hill in both directions. We were just about the high point.

I would ride on the T street from the south towards our street. I could get going very fast on the 26 inch tires.

Four houses from our street I let go of the handlebars and rode no-handed (is that right?) and turned the bike around the corner and coasted faster and faster to our driveway where I would stop and calmly put my foot on the ground.

I never touched the handle bars (unless I didn’t make a good turn). I had curb feelers (look them up) on both the front and back fenders.

If the front feeler touched the curb on the right hand side of the street I was not going to make it and I would turn the trick into a slide to try again. If the rear feeler touched I was perfect.

As I got braver I would ‘turn’ into a double wide drive and go up on the sidewalk then turn back out to the street at the next double wide and stop right in front of our house putting my right foot on the curb AFTER I stopped.

I thought I was so cool – I wonder how stupid I looked practicing this over and over and over with my arms crossed and sometimes wiggling the front of the bike so bad it looked like there was NO way I could control it.

That bike always pulled to the right when I rode it no-handed on a flat street.

I remember not wanting to ride it anymore because it looked childish in my eyes. I was a ‘cool’ kid and had to walk every where until I got my driver’s license. Still had to walk because we only had one car.

That reminds me – my first car.

Cubs – Oct 8 2008

I have not commented – I have not been grieving – I now know that the Cubs will probably never make it to the big game while I am alive.

And since we always say wait till next year – I am going to change it – wait until the next century – or maybe not in my lifetime or IT is just not meant to be.

I am glad I did not watch the meltdown – I did not even listen to the last two games – I KNEW this would happen.

So no more till next spring. We’ll let them hibernate.

Simple Act of Showering

I live above an idiot. She has no brains at all but tries to screw everyone she comes in contact with. It’s all about her and screw everyone else. I hear her talk on her front porch and she will tell three different versions of the same story – each one making it sound more like she is a god when in actuality she is worthless.

OK, done venting – for several weeks I have heard running water at my kitchen sink – it’s as if a facet is on downstairs.

The last few days I’ve started to take a shower or wash dishes and I have no hot water. Only happened three or four times in the five years I’ve been here.

This morning I woke up at 3 am hoping to get a shower but no hot water. I bitched to the landlord about a week ago but nothing happened - I bitched again today but didn’t here anything.

Around 130 I heard the idiot screwing with the water in her bathroom and at 245 the water was warm enough to take a shower.

I had just finished washing and was getting ready to rinse when the water went off. I had soap everywhere and no water to rinse it off.

I had even checked all parking areas and the street for anything that looked like a plumber’s truck and saw nothing.

I wiped off as much as possible with a towel and dry washcloth. I hate drying soap on my skin and my hair feels terrible but there is nothing I can do until the repairs are complete.

The plumber said it would not be long and that he beat on my door but of course I was in the shower. As he says, it sucks.

Cubbies

The poor Cubs – is there a curse or just the suggestive power of one. Once the team is out of Wrigley is their talent magically altered or erased?

Whatever the problem here we are at game three of five – if they lose our season is over.

I swear I will not watch or listen the next year but when the season starts I can not help myself.

Butt his year they kicked some butt – and now it’s all slipping away – I guess I should have know better.

Cubbies – Cubbies – this sux!

Random Memories - Interracial Neighborhoods

I am sure you know I spent years five to eighteen in a mainly Catholic old well maintained neighbor hood.

Our house was three from the corner of the street that divided our neighborhood from ghetto. Three or four blocks farther were the railroad tracks that marked the other end of the ghetto.

I walked almost everywhere but I only walked through the ghetto when absolutely necessary. This white boy got many a threatening look and was confronted several times.

Never got my ass kicked but I think that was because I was a pretty big boy and had lots of big friends. My first memory was a kid at school that lived two blocks down called me a whitey living in the ghetto.

My ‘big’ friends corrected him without touching him. Me and that kid became good friends. He later went to the majors and played for my beloved Cubs. His sister became a very good teacher. They were the lucky ones.

My most memorable racial situation was after a football game one evening.

The football field was four blocks in the opposite direction as the ghetto. Between us and the field were one block of houses and three blocks of park, most of it open. I learned lots in that park –sports - tennis, baseball, football and basketball – to how to open a bra with one hand.

This particular night my younger brother and myself were walking home from a high school football game through the darkness of the park.

A group of black kids from the ghetto were walking near the middle of the park. When they saw us they gave chase. We made it to the street light at the edge of the park and one of the ghetto kids told the rest of them to leave us alone – we were good people.

The kid that probably saved us from a beating was the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in school. My brothers can supply a name with the initials A.H. or the fact his nickname started with a S.

Once the rest of them saw us in the light many said hello and let us go on our way. I have never been more afraid in my life except maybe the first time I held my daughter.

Our ‘friend’ protected us every time a racial issue came up – and there were many – it was the late sixties – I saw him once when I was in my mid twenties. I was over visiting a friend and ran in to him at a grocery store.

He shook my hand, we traded stories – me not married and a mechanic and him working at the foundry with six kids. He was driving a nice Cadillac and I was in an old convertible whose roof leaked but had a great motor.

I once drove into the south side of Chicago to fix a computer. For several blocks I did not see a white person. When I stopped, pulled out my took kit and set my alarm everyone was quiet and probably deciding how to rob me.

I walked to the door of the building and someone said we can’t mess with him he’s here to help us.

When I came out there was a big black guy sitting on the bumper of my van. I ignored him, put my took kit away, climbed in behind the wheel and cranked the van.

He looked at me and I raised my hands in a WTF gesture. He shook his head, laughed and got up waving goodbye.

But he held up his hand and asked if I had a smoke – I gave him the last four or five in my current pack and he told everyone else that I even smoked their brand of cigarette, Kools.

He handed me one back and lit it for me telling me the white part of town was a long way away. I waved and drove very carefully to the white part of town.

I was wishing my friend from high school was with me but it dawned on me later that one of his friends must have helped me – two hundred miles away.

Shingles Again

I’m going to record each time my shingles pop up. I have been half sick for a week. Today the blisters popped up in all places.

The original site on my left side right at the edge of my back came up last night. The spot an inch below, which had not erupted for over a year is also turning red.

The spot at the top of my crack on the right cheek is turning red and the spot between my cheeks near my you now what is starting to blister.

I hate shingles. I would rather have open heart surgery again.

Where Is The KY?

I believe that every legislative member who voted for the bailout should lose their seat.

We have just been screwed even after many, many normal people called and told them not to.

The banks and Wall Street are celebrating tonight. They said the banks were not loaning money. I’ll bet if we had waited another week the banks would magically ‘find’ money for loans.

I’ll bet we/you will be screwed for many years to come.

Tired After Eating

Remember my post about being So Tired After Eating?

Well I am off all my meds right now. The agency that helps me get free medicine screwed up and my delivery is late.

Anyway, now that I am off the meds I no longer get tired and actually feel full after eating a small meal.

When I do get my meds back I am only going to do one at a time for a few days and see if I can figure out which one is causing the problem. If I can’t find one then maybe I’ll try them two at a time.

Hopefully I can figure out the culprit.

Is sure is nice being back to normal.

Bathroom Hi-jinx

Every time I go to hike my foot to the edge of the tub to wash my ass and I ‘lean’ against the wall, I laugh out loud.

How many years did I try to balance myself when I really did not have to.

So funny.

My First Bailout

I remember my first bailout – I was at a Boy Scout camp and tipped the canoe over. I was scared to death of the water at the time but had a life jacket.

I got the canoe righted and somehow managed to get back in. I used my hat to bail it out and started paddling. I tipped it again except this time my life jacket strap broke when I tried to put the paddle under them to hold it to my chest.

I was in twelve feet of death but I learned that I could float on my back with my mouth and nose right above the water.

The lifeguard started to come after me but noticed I would kick every so often. I thought it was pretty cool.

I had to upright the canoe four times that morning. The last time was four feet from the dock.

To earn my merit badge I had to dock the canoe. I was so tired I floated for a while. The lifeguard and I held a conversation for about fifteen minutes while I floated near the dock.

Once I safely docked he tried but could not float for more then 2 or 3 minutes before he neck got tired.

I can still do it to this day. After my heart attack I went to two therapy sessions – the first was walking – no big deal.

The second was water exercise. I had an asthma attack and could not stand. I went to my back and floated. After ten minutes I was able to use my hands and make it to the side.

No one came to help me just told me to get back on my feet. I never went back but at least I know I can still float on my back.

The worse bailout, besides the one the congress is trying to put together, was the time your mother decided to tie my jet boat to the dock in rough water while I went to get the trailer.

She tied the boat to the dock but only gave it about a foot of spare rope. When I got back with the trailer, my beautiful jet boat was floating just under the water completely filled with water.

I still miss that boat.

My First Kiss

I was in junior high I am sure it was the seventh grade. There was a cute brunette that I had a crush on. She liked talking to me she said and once we took a walk when school got out at noon and she held my hand all the way to the lake, about five miles away.

But first we stopped at her house so she could change into nicer clothes. Our first date was impromptu. As with most homes, nobody inside when parents were not home so I sat on the porch steps.

Her mother came home and invited me in. Her daughter heard her mom’s voice and came running in before her top was all the way on. I saw boobies – briefly. She was very embarrassed and her mother cautioned her to be careful.

We walked to the lake, had lunch, took a boat ride with a friend of mine then walked through the woods on the way back home.

We stopped at a bench and talked and she asked if they looked ok. I ask what and she said her knockers (this was many years ago).

I said I barely saw them so she pulled up her top. WOW! I told her they looked great, especially in that top. She turned the top inside out and showed me the falsies her mother had sewn in. They added about three cups sizes.

But they still looked good for my first real set. Then she surprised me and said show me yours. I told her she had not shown me all of hers so she stood up, pulled her panties off and handed them to me and then sat down, spread her legs, took a deep breath and lifted her skirt.

I stood up and showed her mine before I lost my nerve. She leaned forwarded, all of her assets in view and touched me.

It never dawned on me to touch her. You know what happened next and she asked if it always did that. I told her if I was looking at pictures and evidently, when I saw the real thing.

She giggled then said it was so soft as she rubbed me. I never touched her but did ask where it went. She spread her legs and pointed. It was so pretty. But I still never considered touching her.

Then we heard something and she quickly pulled her top and skirt down. I pulled my shorts up and handed her panties to her – she said hide them so I stuck them in my back pocket.

A couple of minutes later an older couple walked by and we all smiled and said hello.

After they were gone she told me that was exciting, grabbed my hand and we walked home talking about many things.

Two weeks later I got an invitation to her birthday party. There were at least twenty people there and she dragged me along to talk to everyone never letting go of my hand.

I liked it. Then we started playing games and the winners choose someone to go into a back room with them.

She picked me and that is when I got my first kiss. Then my second and third. The fourth through the hundredth were long, wet and exciting.

She told me I was the first to kiss and see her. I told her she was my first too.

Her parents came down to check on us and said the party ended in thirty minutes. We all danced except her and I danced in a dark hallway and kissed the entire time.

I was walking home and she asked to walk me as far as the store. We walked for a bit then she pulled me into a side yard that could not be seen from the street but still had plenty of light. She kissed me then lifted her top. She wondered if they had grown.

I told her a little. She kissed me then asked if I still liked them but before I could respond she said never mind and checked for herself.

She rubbed me and told me she could tell I liked that then we continued our walk to the story not saying a thing.

She put her arms around my neck and kissed me long and hard then pressed her pelvis against me and commented that I must really like to kiss her.

She moved her hand for another check and squeezed it. Then kissed me and told me sweet dreams.

And that was my first kiss. More about her later.

Man Made Floods - Senior Moment # 99889

Most mornings I fill my coffee cup (or should I call it my tea cup) to make tea and put it in the microwave. I get the teabag ready then sort my dirty dishes and fill the sink with hot water, soap and the dishes.

If my timing is right I get my hot water hot and immerse the tea bag and bob it for a few seconds add the sugar or substitute and then turn the water off since the sink is half full.

This morning I went into the living room and turned in the computer and TV.

I took a couple of sips burning my mouth as usual (I do not know why I can not remember to shorten the heat time by 10 seconds but I never do) and felt like I had forgotten something.

I learned a long time ago to make a tour of the rooms looking for something out of place.

I always move from front to back which means the kitchen is last. I noticed I left the radio and fan on in the bathroom so I turned them off.

When I got to the kitchen the suds had reached the faucet – about six inches above the top of the sink. I turned the water off and moved the subs aside – I had come ¼ inch from flooding the sink cabinet and probably the floor and the room underneath.

That’s a first in all my years but makes me worry about other stupid things yet to come.

The Great Debate of 2008 #1

I tried to watch the presidential debate tonight. If I had to pick a president based on looks I’d choose Obama. He just looks presidential.

I said I tried to watch – I was at my desk, had my word processor open to make notes and I’ll be damn if I did not fall asleep as soon as McCain stared talking – it’s as if I have heard it all before – from Bush.

I would usually come back alive right at the end of Obama’s rhetoric. So I really did not hear what either of them said.

I finally gave up and went to bed with the radio playing the debate. I must have fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I woke up at the end, 9:32 exactly. I missed the whole thing.

So who won? I would guess Obama will get the highest score. I just cheated and checked CNN.com poll: Obama 67%, McCain 27%, neither 6% - 75000+ voting.

So what do I think? I think we ought to give Iraq sixty days to get there shit together and we leave – then all troops in Iraq should go to Afghanistan and clean that country up and find the 911 asshole and poison all the poppy fields.

Then we bring everyone home and drop a couple of nukes on Iran cutting them off from the rest of the world and warn all other fanatic nations that not following the mantra ‘treat all others as you would like to be treated’ would also be bombed and cut off from the world.

Give China about sixty days to get their heads out of their asses and then shut them down.

We have the power and the know how. Just as long as we keep the ‘Wall Street Brains’ from the reins of power –we’ll be fine.

Best T-Shirts

I was watching something and saw a stupid T-Shirt. My friends always made fun of a Bart Simpson T-shirt I wore – I can’t remember what it said – but back to my point.

One of the best T-Shirts I ever saw said “I Swallow” printed on the top of a nice set of boobs. The T-Shirt was so short, the bottom of the boobs could be seen.

My next favorite T-Shirt:

W I F E
Washing
Ironing
Fucking
Etc.

I laughed at that one a long time.

And my next favorite saying – a pair of panties that said, “If you can read this it is your luck day.” I never took them off the girl.

Cubs Makes History

First back to back division champions since 1907-1908 - now as long as they don't fuck up the post season.

Maybe they Will win a World Series before I die.

Go CUBS !!

Peanut Butter Fudge and loose change

Getting back to why I start this blog. I am getting pretty good at typing and editing with the narrator.

Here is a memory and story.

I was older then 5 and probably younger then seven when me and my oldest brother came home from school. Many days Mom would have some kind of snack for us – I remember cookies and candy but the BEST snack was peanut butter fudge.

We each got a small piece and about twenty minutes later we got another one but no more – didn’t want to ruin our supper.

On this particular day Mom left the dish on a table in the living room. When it came time for the second piece Mom walked into the room and I was ‘caught’ moving a small piece under whatever was covering it so that I would not get stuck with it.

Mom swore I had eaten a piece and would not give me another. I was heart broken. I loved peanut butter fudge.

I didn’t get one after supper either. I was so hurt – I never mentioned this to anyone but I always tried to keep myself out of situations that might lead to other accusations but I guess it made me seem sneaky or guilty.

I also stayed away from snacks for a while – I didn’t want to be accused of stealing or lying.

I remember being envious because my siblings could do things and they were never accused of lying or stealing.

I got $10 for my birthday from someone – might have been my parents. I stashed it in a band-aid box in my room.

That box was my piggy bank – all the pennies, dimes, nickels, a few quarters and a ‘real’ silver dollar my grandpa gave me and the $10 bill.

One afternoon Mom had fudge sitting out and I got home first while she was out back hanging clothes on the line.

I got a drink and set at the end of the table nearest the fudge dish.

My brother and Mom came in at the same time and Mom noticed crumbs on the table in front of me.

They were not mine but I didn’t get any fudge, again. I remembered a few days back that I wanted a candy bar at the dime store. Dad asked if I had any money with me. No, it was all in my box back home.

I didn’t get the candy bar but I did have $10 in my box upstairs and I wanted a snack.

So I got my $10 and walked the three blocks to the dime store. And I bought a great big candy bar that had chocolate covered peanut butter and maybe caramel. I think it cost a nickel. I am not sure if what the name was.

It was better then any damn cookie and almost as good as peanut butter fudge.

I hated using change to pay for things. Over the next few days I turned that $10 into 8 or 9 dollars of change. It filled the band-aid box.

I would gather a dollar in change, go to a local market and change it to a dollar then walk to the dime store to get my candy bar.

Why didn’t I buy the candy bar at the market? I was afraid someone would see me I guess. I really don’t know, it just seemed I could not do both tasks in one place; getting paper money and buying a candy bar with it getting 95 cents back in change.

Things kids do.

Kids my ass, I continued this practice for years. One day I emptied the glove box and center console of the old piece of shit I drove and had over a hundred dollars in change. I also turned in all the jars of coins I had to the bank. They called me four days later to tell me my money was ready.

$700+ in change over just a few years. Right now I have a cool whip plastic container full of change – mostly pennies and nickels – my son has stolen most of the others.

Why am/was I this way?

I remember being with my grandpa when he was buying some smokes and beer and he was counting out pennies and nickels to pay for them.

The people behind us in line were not nice and made comments and gave us looks. The grocer told grandpa to bring the rest in later – he had too many people in line.

Someone snickered and someone else wanted credit too. Grandpa didn’t seem to care and I probably should not of either. He could not wait to get outside to get his cig lit and crack open a beer.

I think we were 3 doors from his apartment and we sat on a step for a bit while many of the people walked by shaking their heads or frowning. I was ashamed.

For many years I always paid with the largest bill I had and NEVER used loose change.

And I always made sure my check was partially made out or I had the cash out when I hit the checkout.

I hate people who stand watching the checker slide their purchases across the scanner and when the checker tells them the total they open their purse or feel their pants pocket looking for their money or checkbook acting surprised they have to pay.

What a waste of time.

So that’s how I developed my addiction to candy bars, addiction to hoarding change and making sure I did not get in compromising situations.

Senior Moment 324323 – The Shower

For most of my adult life (since I was 18 and we moved to this forsaken town and our first home shower) I have balanced myself while in the shower on one leg while lifting the other leg up and resting my toes on the bathtub edge to wash my leg and other parts – if you get my drift.

I always did the left side first then the right side.

I almost always had a ‘soft’ shower curtain on one side and sometimes I had a soft curtain that surrounded me. Once a long time ago, a friend’s shower had a glass sliding door for a shower door and I leaned on it while moving my foot/leg up.

The glass door was not fastened and it fell. Luckily nothing broke.

From them on I was always careful NOT to lean on things to get my foot/leg up.

Then I got thirty-day contact lenses – I loved them BUT - if I opened my eyes during a shower the contact would come out and be impossible to find.

I got very good at taking a shower with my eyes closed. I also got very good at balancing on one leg while I ‘found’ the top edge opposite the drain of the tub with the toes of the other leg. Sometimes I would be too close or too far away and would have to adjust my other foot and try again.

I have lived here for the last five years. I have a large claw foot tub – right next to the wall. I installed plumbing for a shower head and a metal frame for the show curtains to hang from. I am surrounded by shower curtains.

Even though I do not wear contacts anymore, I still shower with my eyes closed. I still balance myself on one leg/foot to lift my other to the end of the tub to wash ‘those’ parts.

Ever since my heart surgery, my balance is questionable. There is a reason but I forget what they call it.

It can take several tries before I feel steady enough to lift my foot. This morning I lifted my foot, got light headed and started to fall.

I hit the shower curtain and figured I’d need someone to help me fix things. I was hoping I didn’t break any bones when I fell.

I was bracing for the worse when I just stopped. Huh? I was leaning against the wall two inches outside the inside shower curtain.

I practiced leaning against the wall with my shoulder while I lifted my leg. You have no idea the freedom I felt. I practiced several times while laughing at myself.

I may just have to wash ‘those’ parts four or five times a day now.

Good Laugh - Lonely Hearts Link

Go check out this list of funnies - it will make your day: Lonely Hearts

Zoning - Suggestions In Hurricane Areas

Can an engineer determine if an area is low and subject to a hurricane surge or flooding?

Can they build electric lines or utilites below ground that can not be knocked down by wind, cars or idiots?

An idiot could do both so why do hurricane prone areas still allow electric and other utilities above ground. And why do cities allow people to build homes in surge areas or flood plains.

These areas should be parks and playgrounds – worst damage after a hurricane should be hooking the swings back up or the slides need to be cleaned and polished.

The parking lots might need a street cleaner to make a pass or a few park rangers might have to pick up some branches.

When will someone get their head out of their ass?

I also think we should find all people who failed to evacuate and if they are still alive and were able to leave, shoot them where they stand and let them rot – ignorant assholes.

If people want to live on the beach, they can rent a fucking room for a week at a time. That income can be put in an account to provide upkeep for the park or rooms. Simple.

3-Ply Goodness

I just read that researches in Wis have invented a 3-ply toilet paper. See HERE.

I beg to differ but when I was young I invented 6 or 9-ply paper. When my finger went through the single-ply cheap ass paper my dad use to buy, I would wrap 6 or 7 or more layers around my hand and then wipe my ass – my finger never went through the paper again.

A couple of times I did have to plunge the toilet to get it to flush but it was better then wiping my ass with my bare finger.

Favorite Chair

My daughter brought my grandson by for a visit the other day. I guess she could not find anyone else home - and I am not sure if I am kidding or not.

It was a pleasant surprise but immediately after she left I sat back down in my favorite chair - my office/computer chair - just over 12 years old - used 16-18 hours daily almost every day for those 12 years. It had followed me for 6 moves and even survived a three day exile to the basement when my ex-wife tried to get rid of it.

When I sat down, something snapped and the chair started dropping to the floor and leaning to the right. I slid off to the right to my right knee. My arm ended up on top of my printer - luckily I was able to press that hand to the wall and hold my weight off the printer.

I was stuck there for about ten minutes while trying stand up without using the printer or broken chair as a crutch. It is a bitch when your body does not work right anymore.

My daughter went to the store for me today - she took the base of the chair to her husband to see if he can weld the part that broke.

I must say I miss it much - I sure hope I get it back.

Home Remedy Eye Update

Nobody has told me putting hot water on my eyes is dangerous. I found hot/cold packs for eye therapy online but so far I have not found "why" I would want to do either hot or cold.

Home Remedies

I've always stayed away from home remedies but tonight my left eye was really hurting and nothing was helping, even the high priced narcotics were ineffective.

I remembered once when I had pink eye (have no idea how I got that) I would put a very hot washcloth on my eyelid - very hot - too hot to hold my finger under. I have several hot pads that have a pocket for your hand.

I stuff the pocket with ice, run the super hot water over the one side and have a nice cool other side to hold the contraption to my eyelid.

It felt great - so great I did my right eye and to my surprise when I changed back to my left key I could see objects with my right eye. I could actually see some detail, not much but more then I have for months.

But best of all the pain in my left eye is gone - completely gone. I heated my right eye several more times - it seemed to get better and better but finally stayed the same.

I think I could see well enough to shave.

The first thing I did was sort my canned goods and marked them. Remember those three by three by one inch packages I found during my cleaning? Pudding - guess what I'm having for dessert tomorrow. Then I checked out the football game on TV and sort of watched the news.

I was able to read a few emails from weeks ago using the highest magnification of the magnifier program. Slow process but it felt good to almost be independent again.

I'm going to attempt to look up heat on eye to see if I can read it and find anything on the subject. Hard to call anyone at 245 in the morning.

Been Getting Busy - Warning Long Post

If you thought dirty thoughts when you read the title, shame on you.

Not really. But the title is sort of accurate.

Wednesday I woke up and could not find my sunglasses - they don't do any good except knock down the glare.

I decided I was missing many things, like my video camera and a pack of batteries for the digital camera.

I set things down to be put away later when I 'saw' them the next time. Can't do that anymore because I can't see them later.

Anyway it had been a while (yeah right - a year?) since I had thoroughly cleaned anything so I decided I could try - it's not like the kids run over every week to do it for me – did you ever? I must be a clean neat person. Stop laughing.

I decided the bathroom was the first stop. I am pretty sure the ring around the tub is gone and the shower curtains are different colors now but I bet it's all clean. Only took 1.5 cans of comet (is that right?).

Then I did the bedroom since it is pretty sparse except for all the pictures. Why do I hang family pictures in the bedroom? Beside the obvious I can't see them. I sleep in there with the lights out.

I'll bet the lights were not on in that room for a year before I lost my sight. Years ago I hung 'good posters' on the walls and even the ceiling - but they were definitely not family nor for family. I digress.

In the bedroom I found my sunglasses – must’ve worn them to bed. I also found a remote I lost months ago and talked the cable company into replacing.

Next the living room saving the kitchen for last since I figured it would be the hardest.

In the living room I found lots of cool things that at first I could not identify. I usually eat in front of the computer. I found a hard (at one time soft) roll that I thought I had eaten but instead knocked off.

I found lots of pieces of I am sure were popcorn and maybe M&Ms or raisins or something (mice?) – I didn’t want to vacuum until I checked the whole floor because who knows what I might have dropped.

I found a syringe, and a box of alcohol wipes I must knocked off and couldn’t find. I also found a bunch of square things I could not identify. Several just out of reach of my feet under the desk.

I also found a remote that I did not know I lost and cannot figure out what the hell it is for.

After I identified everything I could and put most things out of the way I vacuumed but within the first three feet I heard metal things bouncing their way into the bag.

I decide it would be best to use my shopvac so that I could more easily shift through whatever I sucked up.

I always wondered why they sold wide carpet nozzles for shopvacs – now I know – but I never bought one.

Do you have any idea how long it takes to vacuum a 10 by 20 room with a four inch nozzle? At least I had extensions and didn’t have to crawl around on my hands and knees.

(I remember buying those – there were two choices – a bag of extensions or a bag of extensions with a floor nozzle for $2 more – dummy me).

Luckily I remembered to empty the tank before I started and when I searched through the debris I found a bunch of little metal balls. I have no idea.

I left the kitchen for Thursday. I only have two things I could not identify. Small boxes about 3” wide and tall and an inch thick. I have about six of them. They were in a cabinet I very seldom use now.

I did find my favorite coffee cup and I am glad I could not ‘see’ what was at the bottom. I also found my video camera on the shelf above the trash can. How lucky am I that it didn’t get knocked into the trash.

I found three packages of batteries in the ‘big utensil” drawer and I found another pair of what must be sunglasses because the also block the light.

The only unusual things I found on the floor were popcorn and a mouse trap I had forgot about. Luckily it was empty.

My George Foreman grill was really greasy on the bottom so I sank it in a sink full of extremely hot water. Something told me this might not have been a good move but I washed it when the water cooled down and all surfaces feel ‘squeaky clean’.

I put it in the oven at somewhere between 100 and 200 degrees and left it for four hours (I forgot to set a timer and felt the heat when I walked by). I closed my eyes (pun intended) and plugged it in.

It got warm so I cooked a burger – it had a funny taste – might have been I didn’t get all the soap off or I ruined the finish.

I cleaned it with wet paper towels then put veggie oil on it to cure it. The 2nd burger tasted great.

Remember those keys I lost last summer? Found them – under the kitchen table near the wall. Remember that picture frame I dropped and the glass broke? Found it under some paper bags in the corner of the counter top.

Remember the lottery tickets I bought at Christmas but lost? Found them right where I put them so I would not forget. Can’t tell you if I’ve won anything.

But at least I got back one thing – a little pride. I can go shoeless around the place once again.

Pepper

Does the mouth take time ascertaining that it has encountered popper? In other words, is there a delay recognizing pepper?

I ask because you know I am 9/10s blind. I can't see if I have peppered my food. Since I quit using salt after my first heart attack, i probably use more pepper than others. But I have noticed I can not tell how much pepper I have sprinkled on my food until I have exceeded what I like.

I need to go back to using my grinder - three turns and I was set. My eggs this morning tasted like peppered steak. Maybe I screwed up and used pepper cheese. No, if i did that stuff would have been so old.

History In The Making

I hope you kids watched Obama’s Speech last night. History in the making.

And I hope you were able to see McCain pick Palin for his running mate this afternoon.

I know I know – I did not see it either but I did hear it. I would have loved to see it.

So we have a black man and a woman in the presidential election. History will be made in November. A black man or a woman in the presidency.

If you would have asked me five years ago, I would have told you I doubted it could happen – and I would have been wrong.

Senior Moment 32432

Another of those pesky senior moments. Yesterday morning I was visiting a blog of a young lady that went to Iraq for us and celebrates something called HNT. She is also a Steelers Fan so we are natural enemies (not really) and she works for or with the RedSkins (yea!!).

Any way I left her a comment on her blog about her machine and accessories. And tonight she left me a comment on this blog. I was surprised because I do not advertise this blog and I could not figure out how she would have found it.

Later, while I was pondering her astute detective skills I got a message from a friend that wondered how I could possibly talk about 'her' accessories when we did not know each other.

After several 'speakings' of the message I had the reader tell me who the message was directed to. Bright light finally came on.

You know I have several Email accounts that I have acquired while working for several companies and to help me keep the blogs I support separate. Well, I used my personl private account that only about six people know and posted a comment and sent an email.

Luckily the senior moment only lasted for those two mistakes.

If it were not for senior moments I might not have many laughs.

Back To Normal

Well the last two days have been good. I slept 9-10 hours both days from 9 am to 5 or 7 pm. When I wake up my right eye is fairly clear – I can see objects and colors and very, very large type.

I type these posts in a word processor at 28 point and use the magnifier to read about two words at a time.

I picture what I type and get a picture in my mind then after two or three paragraphs I try to edit those paragraphs.

If I cannot see the characters then I use a reader that speaks the keys I press and will speak whatever is on the screen.

It works well but is slow. If at times you see a weird word it is because the spellchecker choose the wrong word and I ‘blindly’ accepted it (pun intended).

After much trial and error I turned off the grammar checker that made things much easier. It took me several days to figure out the voice reader was saying ‘green underline good’.

The program was trying to tell me to use well instead of good. After several hundred repeats I got it and stumbled through the menus.

If I had not taught or used some of these programs for years I would be completely lost.

I did a Google search for vision impair text pages. I got over a million hits (I think it said million) but none of the links I clicked gave me anything I could read or the reader could speak clearly.

I’ve been up about 2 hours today and my right eye is completely clouded over again.

So now I get to listen to TV. Sometime turn the brightness off on you TV and listen to a complete show while you record it. Then go back and watch the video you just head and see if you really understood what they said.

I bet you will be surprised.

No Sleep

I slept about four hours early yesterday morning. I took a nap from 1 pm to about 315 pm then grabbed shower and my stepson took me for groceries.

I have been nodding off since 8 pm last night. I have been to bed three times tossing and turning. I follow the mantra after 30 minutes get up (I have a 30 minute sleep timer on my radio).

I tried no radio, I tried talk radio and I tried music. Nothing worked.

I come back to the computer and TV and nod off. I tried one more time with the TV on and sleep timer. No good.

My eyes hurt, my legs have no circulation, my back hurts and I cannot think.

Here I sit, sleepy but not sleeping. No way, No how, No McCain – how many fucking times do we have to hear it.

I have no idea what is going on. Been a long while since this has happened.

I know, I will make a big breakfast – that should put me to sleep – I hope.

Eye Update

Some days I am blind as a bat. I can see nothing out of my left eye and only light maybe a little color out of my right.

Sometimes right after a shower I can see fairly good out of my right eye. Today was a good day for my right eye.

My son-in-law took me to the grocery store and I was able to see well enough to get most things. Only needed help with a couple of items that look alike but have one word that I need to make sure of.

My biggest obstacle is identifying cans. My daughter uses a black or Red marker and writes a letter on top of the can to identify it. C for chilli beans, p for pork and beans, D for diced tomatoes etc.

I was seeing so good I decided I didn’t need my son-in-law to mark cans for me but after he left I got so overheated carrying everything up the steps that I could not see what the cans contained.

So I just left them to the side hoping my eyesight improves. I buy canned fruit – lasts longer and I don’t have to cut it up plus they have started packing it without all the sugar.

I have been hungry for peaches so I opened a can I thought was peaches. I picked the biggest around can there was because the fruit is usually packed in the biggest can.

I didn’t get peaches. For supper I am having pork and beans – that’s what I had last night.

Oh well, I can always use the fiber.

Staying Awake

I have been fighting sleep for about three hours now. I could probably lie down and be sound asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I have no good reason for doing this. In the old days I would stay awake until I had ten hours left before a commitment. I would sleep for 8 ½ hours then get up and get ready and get to my commitment on time.

If I didn’t do this, I would sleep for 8 ½ hours, wake up and see I still had time and I would go back to sleep.

The only problem was I would sleep for another 8 ½ hours. You could almost set you watch by the 8 ½ hours.

And now when I get tired I fight it until my eyes just will not stay open without help.

I know not why.

Food Stamps

It is not easy living on food stamps. Just when I was getting enough to eat decently, the price of food rose.

I go to the cheapest place in town – my daughter takes me every two weeks. I usually get to see my grandson – not too much play time but I do get to see him.

I am spending fifteens dollars more buying exactly the same stuff. So my food costs have gone up almost fifteen percent.

The biggest problem is having enough money to get through the two weeks. Twenty years ago I bought seventy-five dollars of food a week. Now I try to get by on $50 for two weeks.

My daughter is very sick and does not feel like taking me to the store yesterday or today. I understand completely. The problem is I do not think she realizes that after two weeks I am out of bread, milk and butter.

I have eaten butter-less pancakes for one meal or another for the last five days. Luckily I ran out of mix yesterday but that also means I’ll probably eat popcorn for two meals today instead of one.

I made corn bread (I use add only water for most everything) but I do not have any butter. Luckily I learned how to eat bread and other stuff without butter after my first heart attack but sometimes it really sucks.

I am not complaining – I put myself in this situation by not taking care of myself in my younger years and smoking way too many cigarettes.

Luckily it appears all the beer I drank did not hurt me – at least not yet.

Eyes Act Crazy

Sometimes I can see out of my right eye fairly well, cataracts or not. My left eye was completely black yesterday but is showing some light today.

I was able to read some print on the monitor at max magnification but it did not last long.

I wonder why that is. Sometimes my right eye hurts and others not. It is crazy.

Distracted

I wrote about wasting time. Sometimes things have changed and I want to know why. This morning I had a really bad dream.

I woke up and decided to record it.

Before I went to sleep about midnight, I told the computer to scan itself for problems and turn off when it was done. Normally I just put it to sleep.

So I tried jiggling the mouse but remembered my scan and I hit the power button and went to make tea.

When I got back my monitors were on but all the icons were on the left screen and were very small. For some reason the computer re-configured its self.

Since this was not the first time I went searching for why and an hour later I have no idea why it happened.

And I also forgot my dream.

Distracted – easily done.

Fasting

Sometimes I fast for 24 hours. I don’t do it to save food – I do it because sometimes it feels good. I still take my medicine and still shoot insulin, just a small amount so that my blood sugar does not go real low.

I said sometimes it feels good. My digestive track normally does not bother me but for some reason it feels good to empty it out. ‘It feels good’ is the best way to describe it.

And the next day I am not starving – it’s like I never quit eating.

I heard once that the less you eat the longer you will live. I am sure I am way behind the less/live longer part – all the seconds and thirds I ate.

Hell we use to have contests at family reunions to see how many ‘servings’ we could have. I could eat half a ham and a whole cake and loved doing it.

Oh well, fasting surely cannot hurt me.

Sleeping Schedule

I went to sleep about 6AM Thursday
morning and slept until almost 3. I
went back to bed at 8 PM and slept
until 2 AM this morning. And I am
still tired. My blood sugar is a
little high (185) but otherwise
everything seems fine.

I just don't get it.

So Tired After Eating

Each time I eat (especially right after I have shot up with insulin) I get very tired. So tired I can fall asleep at my desk even when I am in the middle of something.

I am not sure why. I do know that if I only sleep three or four hours I am extremely fatigued. If I get six or more I feel pretty good until I eat.

I tried going longer without eating but when my blood sugar drops low I have to eat or they tell me I can die.

So if I just seem to fall off energy wise, you’ll know.

For an update see this post: Tired After Eating

Cold Fish

I like to bake salmon in aluminum foil for about a half hour then broil it for three or four minutes with a fresh coating of butter and lemon. I do this all in the toaster over.

Tonight I followed my normal routine. When the timer went off at thirty minutes I melted the butter in the microwave and got the lemon juice ready. I opened the oven to get the fish and it was empty. I looked around the counter thinking I had already taken it out but my brain disagreed.

When I had wrapped the fish and turned on the oven I had put the fish on TOP of the toaster oven instead of in it. I corrected and laughed at myself. The timer went off and I opened the package to season it. I turned the oven to broil and set the timer for five minutes.

When I got back into the living room something triggered my brain. I went back and sure enough I had put the tray back on top of the oven.

Another senior moment to share. The high point of my day.

Eating Disorder

Ever since heart surgery I never get full. One day not so long ago, I got a bag of 3-Musketeers fun size candy bars.

I opened the bag at my desk to eat just two. I was entranced with the computer and Internet doing what I do not remember.

At some point I realized the bag was empty. I ate the whole bag in one sitting. I was NOT full.

Many times I will eat a good-sized portion of a meal and 30 minutes later I am eating something else. I know it is bad for my diabetes but it is not a conscious decision to eat. I just eat.

I never feel full just hungry. So now I eat a perfect portion and take a nap. When I wake up I no longer have a craving for food.

Whenever I sleep I go for as long as I can before I eat after waking. Once anything passes my lips I’ll eat continuously until I go back to sleep.

And I never feel full.

Waste of Time

Sometimes I will spend hours solving one little problem. Last night I spent four or five hours trying to figure out why a text-editing program I have would not display certain characters.

I’ve used this program for a couple of years and never cared before but now it works right. It felt good to solve the problem.

This morning I wasted a couple of hours trying to move an icon on this web page. When I realized I was wasting time again I gave up – for now.

And with no eyes I can spend an hour trying to figure out what I am doing on the screen. Many times I get completely lost so I have to log off/on to reset things.

A pain in the ass but more fun then sitting around listening to the stupid TV or radio.

The Gigantic Web

I was surfing the web and ran across a blog with a guest blogger. I loaded the author’s blog in the background then got sidetracked.

I had to reboot my browser and lost the link but the reason I even wanted to read it was the headline that caught my eye: Because Everyone Is Entitled To MY Opinion.

I figured it would be easy to find that phrase and associated blog so I let Google do the hard work.

324,000 hits – I sure am hell am not going to look through them to find the one (1) entry I want.

I do like that headline tho.

My First Memories

I have two brothers and two sisters. We lost Mom twenty years ago this year due to cancer.

I had many, many questions to ask her that I do not feel comfortable asking Dad about.

Like how they met, how did she feel when she found at she was pregnant with me, etc.

I have two or three first memories. I am not sure of their order but this is what I think they were.

I remember a place we lived that had a set of stairs leading up to at least my bedroom. I remember climbing those stairs. Dad says I pushed my younger brother down the stairs. I do not remember that.

Next I remember trying to ride my bike behind a furnace or coal stove – for some reason I thought it was my maternal grandparents house but my dad says it was probably my uncle’s house when my younger brother was born – Xmas eve.

And last I remember wanting to go bowling with my grandfather and dad. But I evidently soiled my pants and dad told me the only way I could go was to wear a diaper.

I remember being upset because I was a big boy but I must have loved bowling more because we went.

The last memory came to me when I took bowling class at junior college. I had just bowled 8 strikes and wondered if I got my skill from my grandfather – he bowled in leagues or something – seemed he bowled all the time.

I was getting ready to throw the ninth strike when I thought back to previous times I had bowled in high school and sucked.

I was thinking that if you want to do something you need someone or something to teach you.

Then the memory came back. I missed the strike and the last ball I hit a 7-10 split (is that right?). Never came close to a perfect game again.